Greek Myths and Shit | Medusa the Gorgon

 

Medusa the Gorgon - aka Snake Hair Bitch

Medusa is perhaps one of the better-known monsters from Greek legends. Defeated by Perseus, son of Zeus and the human princess Danae. Perseus was cock blocking this dude, King Polydictes (quite the name, right?), who wanted to marry his mother, the princess Danae.

King Polydictes triple-dog dared Perseus to bring him the head of the ugliest fucking hell bitch he could think of, that being Medusa.

Medusa was a gorgon, which means she was part of a fugly family of monsters. She had an evil weave made of living snakes and a stone-cold stare that literally turned mother fuckers into statues.

Being Greek, Perseus was quick to accept anything that challenged his masculinity, as the story normally seems to go with these dudes. Toxic masculinity seemed to infect the guys from these legends.

But I digress, Perseus was all up for this shit and so decided he was going to cut him a scary-ass hell bitch. He was thankfully aided by his divine siblings, his half-brother Hermes and half-sister Athena. They were like, "Whoa there, dude. You know this ho has looks that kill, right?" They gave him magic chanclas and a big ass reflective bronze shield.

Perseus was clever and used his magic flying chanclas for some perilous adventure shit. The details aren't that important nor are they pertinent to the story, but thank the gods he had magic chanclas because, well, it's fucking cool man.

Anyways, P-doodle, was like calling this snake haired, fug-monster out and shit. If you know anything about fugly women...well women in general, they are hella angry when you call them out on their shit. It was no surprise then that Medusa was like, "Oh hell no, I'm gonna gut this punk ass, bitch ass, Greek dude." So, they do battle. Perseus used his big ass reflective bronze shield to return Medusa's stone-cold glare right back at her. See gorgons must not have had access to any salons or knew what a mirror was because when this bitch saw her own ugly mug she froze. She must have thought, "My Gods, who in the shit is this? Is that me?". But, before she could realize that her life was the butt of a cruel, mythology joke, Perseus did her a solid and ended her sorry life by slicing her head off.

Then some other shit happened with these nymphs and Perseus gave the head of Medusa to his half-sister Athena. Cuz like symbolism and shit. Athena put this head on her own shield because if you don't know about Athena, she's hardcore like that. I guess in the end King Polydick, or whatever his name is, was thoroughly cock-blocked and Perseus got 1 million punk rock points or whatever, which was super important to these Greek hero dudes.

Thats the story of Medusa, the snake haired, hell-bitch, gorgon.

You're Welcome,

- Kyle -